Blog: Brexit II: If UK’s home secretary has her way, Britain might soon have to exit itself – Times of India

The UK home secretary was in deep thought. And the reason was the incursion, some might say invasion, of illegal immigrants.

These intruders came from all over, Africa, the Indian subcontinent, Southeast Asia, and any other point of the compass you could point a stick at.

The home secretary had devised a scheme to ship them all off to Rwanda, but that plan had got unstuck. So where else could they all be packed off to?

To answer that, the home secretary had to first figure out who could legitimately be called British. And that was at the root of the home secretary’s deep thoughtfulness.

Anthropologists had established that the original inhabitant of Britain was Homo Heidelbergenisis, who went back 5,00,000 years. He was replaced by Neanderthal Man, some 1,50,000 years later. Much after that came the Stone Age Britons (who didn’t call themselves Britons, a name given to them by the latecomer Romans), who built Stonehenge, about 10,000 years ago, and had almost black skin, curly hair and blue eyes.

These original natives were, according to anthropology, completely replaced 4,500 years ago by waves of unauthorised immigrants such as the Germanic Celts (who didn’t call themselves that, their name being derived from the Greek word Keltoi), the Iceni (not to be confused with the Celts, though also a Germanic tribe) whose 7th-century CE Queen Boudicca fought against the Romans, who’d also got past Border Control, there being no Borders or Controls at that time.

The Celts called the British Isles the Pretanic Islands, from which Britain derives its name, as England got its name from Angle Land, the Angles, like the Saxons who were their contemporaries, being a Germanic tribe who, without benefit of visas, in the post-Roman era settled in the country to which they lent their name.

Then there were the Jutes, another lot of Germans, who invaded England in the 5th century CE, followed by the Vikings. In short everyone in Britain was from somewhere else, like herself, who was from Goa, wherever that was. Deport them all and Britain would exit itself, in a case of Goan, Goan, gone …


Views expressed above are the author’s own.


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